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Life After Bushfires

Burnt
Bushfire Community Ambassador

My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Hi all, I want to share my story on the bushfires on NYE. I invite you to do the same; if you’re open to speaking your experience. 

I find, as a renter who lost my home, my experience is that a bit different to those of home owners; yet bringing the same difficulties aswell as new ones. 

I was physically separated from my husband on that night. He went to fight fires at his parents home  in the national park. I left our home to my mothers with nothing but some clothes overnight, because “it will never make it here over night”. I was so wrong. I ran for my life at the crack of dawn with my 2 year old. I couldn’t get on to my husband, I thought I had lost him. the long dark day and night of NYE I was alone with my child sheltering. When we finally found each other back in town, we went to our house. All gone. Everything lost. A lot of you understand this feeling sadly. Memories and photos, heirloom items, children’s firsts. Everything we had ever owned and cherished gone. Then there was the town folk “atleast you didn’t own your house” “atleast it was only stuff” you see it wasn’t just a rental, it was our home. It wasn’t just stuff, it was our cherished items. Yes I won’t miss that bed frame, or that fridge, but I miss so much. No one saw the pain we where in because - atleast it’s not your home! 

Little did they know, why we where spared the task of rebuilding, we too where made homeless with 2 under 2. No rentals within our price range, no insurance to replace. We lost so much that night, yes there where worse off, but to have salt rubbed into our wound and be told it’s not a big deal. We lived in a caravan on friends land for months.  No where to go. Still we are told “lucky you don’t have to rebuild” 

bucket baths and dug toilet wholes, or showering in town and toileting at neighbours, none of that mattered atleast we didn’t have to rebuild. 

The sympathy for renters who lost their homes was non existent. Finally we find a home; expensive yet atleast we now have a roof over our head. Then they say “you should give your caravan to someone in need” 

little do they know, we are only in this home for 6 months why we sort out some health issues as we cannot afford this. Then we will be back in our caravan. The nightmares, the flash backs, the children’s issues from that night, we fight these issues every day and are thankful it wasn’t worse. But I can’t handle being told my experience doesn’t matter. No matter how we where effected our experience matters. If your home is still standing but you experienced that terrible night, you matter just as much as those who lost. Your trauma is real. You matter. I am thankful it was not worse, yet have lost so much. My children’s innocence and safety will be the worst lost. They don’t feel safe still. I find talking helps me, sharing our last year helps me process. I love reading others stories of that night, or your own night in other fires; we are all effected in our many own ways. If you reading this want to share with me your story please feel welcomed. I try and talk to my husband about this, he nearly died that night, risking his life to save someone else’s property, his return; loosing it all. He is hard to crack open to talk with, he holds so much trauma. Yet we live to see another day we are thankful for. 

What I have learned from all of this is expect the unexpected and accept it for what it is. 

Lessons we have learned the hard way, have empathy for those around us. We move on with time no matter how deep the wound (or how much salt is in it) Now I ask; 

What has the experience been like for you? And what have you learnt (for the better) from all of this? 

10 REPLIES 10

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

thank you for sharing your story @Burnt Heart

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Oh @Burnt

I am so sorry to hear of your horrific experiences!!!! I can't imagine how frightening that must have been. I also had to evacuate and run away, but thankfully, the winds changed at the last second and our home was spared.

But it's so much more than losing a home. I've spoken to a lot of people who lost their homes, and it's not just "stuff"; it's your own personal history you lose.

I know a firefighter who was out saving homes while his own burned, and with two young infant daughters, he was in a similar position. A lot of people were kind and offered places to stay, but all the well-wishing donations were kind of misguided, because after they left that temporary place, they'd again be homeless with nowhere to store the donations. It's also so hard to find a rental because--well i'm not sure about your town, but in mine at least--a lot of the rental properties burned, too. And with so many people homeless, there's just no homes.

Talking helps me too. Writing about it, as well. I'm writing a book on my experiences. I don't want people to forget what we went through . . . I really hope your husband can open up and talk to someone. I know the people I've interviewed have all told me it's a relief to tell someone . . . to cry with someone . . . to have someone who understands.

We understand ❤️

How are you coping now? How are your kids?

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

@Burnt You mattered very much and you still matter now. Renter or owner does not matter, you lost things and you you suffered trauma. You matter. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so glad they now have this new forumn on Sane for people like yourself to come and talk. 

 

Bless you. 

 

Ramble. 

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Thank you for sharing this back to me. So many different experiences in so many different people. Life can be so hard sometimes and I feel like I’m loosing a piece of myself to this everyday, but I keep fighting and together with my family we will come out stronger. X

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Thank you for your supportn

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Hi @Burnt, thank you for sharing your story with us. I just want to reiterate what the others have been saying that it was awful for people to have invalidated your traumatic experience. You deserved unconditional support after having experienced what you did, so I'm sorry that that pain was unnecessarily dragged out.

I hope you enjoy connecting with others here on the forums, and I wish you all the best towards recovery and healing Heart

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

@Former-Member  thank you, thank you for this x

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

Hello Burnt

Thank you so much for sharing your story Heart  Your experience and feelings ARE important and valid and just as important as anyone else's!!  Sometimes people try to put things into neat little boxes - judging one person's life by measuring it next to someone else's.  But life can rarely be seen in such black and white ways.  People react to stress and trauma in different ways -there is no right and wrong - just different.  The memories we have and the possessions that remind us of our memories are priceless and should not be judged according to other people's priorities.

I understand about your worries for your little ones - you might find something helpful in my post 'Continuing Effects.'

If talking helps you then please continue to reach out and talk.  It is vitally important to have a support network that you can feel safe with.  I sense a resilience in you and although things are hard right now, you will take your strength from this experience into your future and this will only be of great benefit to your children HeartHeart

Re: My experience with the NYE2019 fires

@Burnt I know exactly what you mean . . . Life is so challenging when you've been through something like a bushfire, and even more so when you have other struggles too (e.g. mental health for me). I totally know what you mean about feeling like you're losing a piece of yourself. Some days when it hits me hard, I wonder how I'll ever be okay again . . . but it's just, I think, taking one step in front of the other, and being grateful and in the present moment. Sending you oodles of love!!! I hope you can post here when you're feeling like that and get some support x

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