Lived Experience Forum

[Flying_Hams]

Hi all

I will need to change names to keep it anonymous so here goes. I need some advice over how to process what happened 2 days ago at work.

On Tuesday afternoon at work I was sitting there doing whatever work I'm meant to. The manager (call her D) comes over to talk to me and ask me how I am etc. D asks what I'm doing in life at the moment, if I was full-time yet, what I am studying etc. I replied by saying that I was still going in my job to which D replies "oh isn't that bad is it?"

This brief interchange took place in the open so that everyone around could hear it. I told D what it was that I was studying and then D drags in N (one of the young ones who works at this work stations) into the chat we are having because he studied that too. Both ask where I am studying at and I said it was online. 

As this is taking place, I noticed two people listening in and smiling while its going on. One of them is P (who i know to be relatively new to their role) who i tried to talk to in the morning when I had to deliver some stuff to them. Had nothing to say to me except the basics. The other person listening in someone called T (who has been there a while). 

so the manager "D" would have no reason to actually care how I was or what I was doing. Last time I was there at that workstation, she got told about my trip to hospital and that I was badly treated there. In this particular work stations there is an "in group" who I think are close to her. Towards the end of last year i accidentally tagged someone from that workstations in an email (lets call that employee R) and R found out about what myself and my friend J (who quit) thought about this work station.

I believe in simple terms, what has happened is that my confidence has been breached in light of me mistakenly tagging R in an email chain. Then because R is in the in group with T and N, they have told the manager "D" about what I said and D has then told them all about what happened to me last year in relation to hospital. 

The reason I think this has happened is because of the way I was treated last time, but also this time people were not talking to me. Only a few people did bother and then when that happened I was unaware if they were interested or they were merely keeping up appearances. Only the "out group" spoke to me at any length and more or less avoided me. 

The out group at this work station are the ones who are treated like shite. The ones they underpay and overwork. The people who don't wanna say anything about the way they are treated because they are worried about how they will get treated. At about 5 mins before the end of the work day, one of the guys in the out group leaves - let's call him M - actually bothered to say goodbye to me as he walked off. To which I made a point of audibly saying "see you later M, good to see you again, take care".

As I walked out to leave the work station I said "catch you later" to Q. She said "see you tomorrow". I didn't say anything and left. I wasn't going to be in the next day (yesterday) and just left.

It must be one of the weirdest, surrealist and most unconformtable experiences I have had in any workplace ever. 

Clearly an apple cart was upset by me last year and I believe D is trying to get back at me by talking to me in front of everyone. I could see through it all about half way through. 

I am still trying to understand it all and I need some help to figure it all out and if i should raise it

[Flying_Hams]

@TAB @Meowmy @oceangirl
@greenpea @BlueBay @frog @Owlunar @Clawde @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Snowie @Schitzo @Appleblossom @Mazarita @Adge

@Former-Member @Jacques @Maggie @Eve7 @BPDSurvivor @WIP @Schitzo @Judi9877

[TAB]

not sure where the bullying was, even looking for it. @Flying_Hams  you felt uncomfortable.

[Flying_Hams]

Well their conduct was foul @TAB
It was a stunt pulled by the manager.

[TAB]

well I didnt get that from reading it @Flying_Hams  well make a complaint then

[Flying_Hams]

the fact i went to hospital wasn't enough for them to back off.... but to double down and make a scene.....

I have no words for that

[Snowie]

It sounds like it made you extremely uncomfortable @Flying_Hams and I am sorry it made you feel that way.

Is there someone at work you could talk to about this?

[Flying_Hams]

Not sure @Snowie

Last time I did that - well the above example indicates what happened.

I think i will send D an email. Once I know that I am never going back to that place. But I need to be sure about that first before deciding on it.

I have spoken to my friend about - the one who left - and i will see what she thinks

It's just totally a chaotic situation. One that could've been avoided entirely had tha manager just ignored it and got on with her job.

[Snowie]

Perhaps speaking to your friend might help work out what to do from here @Flying_Hams 

I hope for your sake that you are able to resolve it and have a freindly and supportive workplace. We all deserve that.

[saltandpepper]

@Flying_Hams Is what you wrote in the email true? There's a lot of dickheads in workplaces, I mean if they get called out on it, that gets a high five from me. I used to work in a similar environment, and while I tend to be the kind of person that either

a) doesnt give a shit what other people say

or,

b) tells them to go eff themselves ((not super helpful at work, but have done it out of defence))

If they're the kind of people that are still gossiping about sh*t from a year ago--and seemingly haven't given a thought to how someone who has been through a shitty time might take their gossipy crap, then they're not good people.

If it's something you're wanting to address, the way I'd go about it is making a time with "D" to discuss what happened in the past and what can be done now so you can all find a way to move forward.

2 things could happen: Either "D" addresses the issue and appreciates the effort you've made in coming forward. Or, more likely, nothing changes. But having addressed the issue with "D" already will give you cause to take further action if necessary.

Speaking from personal experience, I had an issue (or 2) with my old dept. manager. I tried to raise it with them, to no avail. When it got bad, I wound up going to her manager. He was a lot more supportive and set up a meeting with her (despite me pleading with him not to) and he said I wasn't the first person to raise an issue with him about her behaviour. She got a talking to and after that she became a lot more pleasant to me (at least to my face anyway).

If you know of other staff who may be willing to join you in discussing it as a group, might be a good idea. But start with small steps first and see how it pans out.

I know this isn't always easy, but we can't control how anyone else behaves. All we can do is choose how we respond.

I hope this helps, and sorry you're having a rough time at work, makes life pretty sh*t hey?