Lived Experience Forum

[asdfge]

Do people who no longer have bpd still feel most of the same emotions and to a similar intensity? 

Also, what coping mechanisms do people use to cope with difficult people who express a lot of defensive, or disapproving emotions, such as disgust, contempt and anger? 

[Surfer37]

<span;>Hi There,

<span;>I've just gone through a period of personality disorder this year, and I can assure you the memories, feelings and emotions are all still very, very real. For other people it is clear I am a different person now, it is to me too. But the mind I had then, is the same mind I have now. So everything I experience, along with the feelings and emotions, are locked in for good. I think people have an idea that it's like forgetting feelings from a dream. But it's not. That is my history, my experience. It was my reality. So yes, when I think back or something triggers a memory from that period, I feel it all. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I like my history. My experience. It gives me tools to help myself and others with. So don't feel bad for feeling emotions. Embrace them. But recognise what went into the cause of bpd from your own history.

<span;>As for the the coping mechanisms. Are you referring to a person and how they feel about the person with bpd? If so, I understand this. I'm in the same boat here. Time, time, time. Space, do not talk about things like beliefs and what you think might still be right from the other personality, MASSIVE triggers for them here. Remember that the other personality could have been extremely traumatic for the other person. This is true in my case, and how I'm approaching it moving forward. Time and space. Give TLC. Just because I have moved on, doesn't mean the other person can as quickly.

<span;>If I'm wrong here, please let me know.

[asdfge]

Hi Surfer37,

I did not realise that many people overcame many of the intense emotions they had expeirienced with the disorder after they recovered from it, but that some remember these vividly from time to time. You are right in what you say- it's important not to want to change others and to avoid triggering them by pointing out what it is that they do wrong in confronting, or harmful ways. 

Thanks for answering this question.

[Surfer37]

@asdfge

Happy I was able to help.

I hope you move forward well, give a shout if you need to bounce something off me.  Don't feel you need to go it alone, like I did.👍

[asdfge]

Hi @Surfer37,

Thank you for this reply. I have heard that it is common for people with bpd to not really have any choice but to go at it alone, but I hope that things have changed now and that it was not all bad. It is definitely tough at times, but many great lessons are learned too. asdfge.

[Surfer37]

@asdfge , yeah tough times for everyone. Not everyone does come out the other end, I shouldn't be alive. I did make the decision to learn from it. Not easy moving forward because I need to change a lot about myself, but seeing gradual progress is motivating. I'm leaving the stressful building industry for a start.  2020, the year of new perspective for me.

[asdfge]

@Surfer37 ,

No, not everybody does reach the point where they are able to see it as a memory. I think that making the right changes can be difficult, but it is definitely worth committing to. I have heard that working in that kind of environment can be tough- I hope it works out.