While I was away I was so desperate to come home cause I wasn’t coping. But now that I am home I realise I don’t want to be here either cause it’s just as bad. While away I wanted my safe haven, yet I don’t feel safe at home. I don’t know what is going on I feel so confused.
On the drive home I nearly made a really scary decision, I didn’t though, I didn’t do it. I’ve been crying all evening about how stupid I feel, how dangerous that decision could of been. How easily I could of done it and how easily it could of all been over.
Dealing with a lot of anger inside me tonight. Angry at how I dealt with the week away, how bad my sh is getting and that everything just feels so out of control, worse than before. I want to restrict, I need to get some kind of control back in my life before I do something else.
I’m so ashamed of the person I am becoming. I feel terrible that this pdoc is coming into his office on Aus day to see me, I’m not worth it. I don’t even know if I’ll get there. Just don’t know.
I want to feel. I need to feel something. I wish I could sleep, I need to sleep and not wake. I can’t even begin to figure out how to face tomorrow feeling this way.
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN