My Mosaic

[tyme]

Ooo! You got a cricuit maker too! Coollies! The drink bottle is the first project for most people. Then maybe notebooks? I can't wait to see what you can make out of it. I've noticed that you can get a lot more vinyls from kmart. I've never bought mine from kmart. I've bought the original cricut premium vinyls, and I'm really struggling with them. I wonder if kmart is easier? @Bow 

I'm sorry you don't feel well tonight. Is there anything we can do to help you get through tonight?

[Bow]

I got my cricut secondhand @tyme  and it came with a big tube of vinyls and stuff. So I am mostly set. But I did go buy a fine tip cutting b/ade today from spotlight and they had their vinyls on sale so I got the premium permanent black vinyl. 

I did a print and cut yesterday of some images I use for a craft project and I was heaps impressed with the cutting- one of the main reasons I ended up getting one. But the ‘send to print’ I’m not sure the print quality ends up being as good compared to printing it straight from a document. So will have to play around with it a bit. 

I need to set it up properly too. Cricut upstairs with my laptop and printer downstairs. 

I don’t know. Just about getting through each moment at the moment without acting impulsively and doing something stupid 😩 the desire and temptation is very real and very high though

[tyme]

Hey @Bow ,

I'm hearing how loud these thoughts are. I 'feel' it. I can relate to it. Tell yourself they are thoughts. Take time to get to know these thoughts and see where they are sitting in your body.

If that's too much, then reverting to the distraction technique also has its place.

I don't find printing the art on a printer first is helpful at all. I only use that to calibrate the machine. When I'm creating artwork, I'm really mindful of not wasting the vinyl so just say I make large text, then I inset small text in the empty spaces. Or I might just print some little hearts I can use for other things.

[Bow]

Nothing is really helping at the moment to be honest @tyme @I get so lost in my head and I often can not focus on anything. I get to the point where I don’t know what I need to do. Like what do I need to do to stop myself from acting. I wasted  so much of @Jynx ‘s time over the weekend cause I needed them to tell me what I could do. It’s stuff I know. It’s in my head somewhere, but I can not access that information when I am so heightened and stuff. 

I chatted with my SW today a little bit and told her I need my psychologist to help me put together a proper safety plan, but I need a physical copy. I need it in my hands. And I need options. A list of them. 

[tyme]

Oh @Bow , I hear there are some big thoughts there. I can see how heavy they become for you. It's like a rabbithole of thoughts? 

I would've thought you get a copy of your safety plan. What happens now? You just talk about it? Sorry if these are dumb quetsions. I just thought it was a given that you get a copy of the plan.

Doesn't Beyond Blue have a safety plan thing you can do? Have you seen that one?

If anything, I wonder if your SW can take notes re your safety plan and then you 'pretty' it up at home? I'm thinking of that "bullet" calendar you made (sorry... is that the name???? I apologise in advance if I got it TOTALLY wrong!!!)

What do you think?

[AuntGlow]

Just checking in - how was your couch time? @Bow 

I can see Tyme has offered you some really lovely support. 

Oh, also I remembered I had a question for you! Have you been reading any of the books you got from your explorations the other week? 🤩

[Bow]

Oh yeah it’s very much like a rabbit hole of thoughts @tyme and you know at some points I can stop before it goes too far, but at the moment I don’t really feel like I have much if any, control over it. It’s like it starts and nextminute I’m spiraling very much out of control and no way to stop. 

you don’t know how many times I have been moments from doing something recently. It’s scary.

I’ve done safety plans before. With different people. No idea where any of them are. Or how to access them. And yes I’m familiar with the beyond blue one. Things change though and I need an update one that’s going to work for me. And yeah I’ll probably take a photo of it on my phone, but I need physical. I need something tangible that I can look at. 

told my SW today how disappointed I was with my psych last week when I told her that my SI is real bad atm. She asked if I had a when and had been stockpiling. I said no and she moved on. 

[Bow]

I mean it was comfy @AuntGlow  but not overly enjoyable unfortunately 

and no haven’t been reading. My heads too much of a mess to be able to focus on reading. 

[tyme]

I think that's a really really good idea @Bow . To have a recent one that you useable and one that you can hold in your hand. 

In terms of your psych lack of support, are you able to provide her feedback as to what support you would've liked to see when you disclosed how unsafe you felt? I know how much energy you took to get to the point of reaching out.

[Bow]

Hoping to be able to mention it to her when I ask her to help me put together a safety plans @tyme