Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Baboo]

Hi justanother47yr 🙂

Im very well thankyou- im finding this new year of ours going rather quickly already thou.

Im actually very good at managing gossip!

i act very dumb to it all as to not put myself in it. If some one is gossiping to me about another- i lend an ear and pretend i know nothing about it- then have no opinions to share on it.

If the gossip is about me i giggle and think "wow, your popular today". And then tell the gossiper not to be concerned about the matter. The key then....is not to repeat it to your next person- then it doesnt continue.

i have lived in many places- ha, and a lot of them had been small communities. So i would say i am quite experienced in the witnessing of ye old gossip. And the hurt it can do- even if some people who cant help them selves think they are being helpful or concerned 😉

[PeppiPatty]

Phew,
I'm okay then. I acted surprised and Sid.....oh well anything said about me whether good or bed is still people thinking about me......that's good :0)

Also, I can truly relate to what you wrote about art..........I've had a blank bout drawing for a few years now. I can only produce one piece of art per year, I don't think Ille be doing one for a long time.......I have no energy.

I've found I have had to manage a lot of abuse from my family throughout the years and now.......I'm stuffed.

[Kiera80]

@Baboo  when my sibling goes off the deep end I try to tell myself that they had a really bad day and something happened that I did not know about, which is usually the case.  I'm just the punching bag to take the frustrations out on.  If I ask the question "what's going on?" then usually I get to the bottom of what has caused the anger.  Quite often a mountain has been made of a mole hill.

@PeppiPatty  Gossip can be a terrible thing.  Personally I don't like it.  I think that if you have something to say to someone just go ahead and say it and don't talk about people behind their back.  Have you noticed that people tend to make up their own minds about someone else anyway?  Most of the time they have no idea what the facts are and might not know anything about the person they gossip about. People who gossip clearly have too much time on their hands with nothing better to do.  But that's just my opinion.

Just let that sort of nonsense fly right over your head.  It's not worth your precious energy worrying about what people might be saying.

I love your last comment when you said "I'm stuffed".  So true, so true.

[Alessandra1992]

What we choose to listen to is as important as what we choose to speak. I like what @Hobbit suggested..we don't need to participate in it.. Put it this way, if someone is talking negatively about someone else, then what on earth so they say behind my back?
Not that I would want to know, nor care, but chatting about other people can be fraught with danger..if people really want to gossip well watching a soap opera like Bold and Beautiful or some ongoing Drama that lots of people enjoy can be really good fun..what script changes would you make, why do certain characters act in ways..how can people keep up with who is related to who in those soaps? I find lots of people are either keen readers, music listeners or film/TV fans.. And chatting about face shows, music, books, gardening , recipes is always fun..just be kind to yourself as diverting people from gossip takes practice..

[PeppiPatty]

Kiera80@, you are so right on the gossip and in no way was I trying to take the thread away from you........Your dilemma is so absolutely valid and reminds me of many many days when I would wake up in the morning thinking....."maybe this is the day when my husband will be admitted into hospital........" He was so so ill but......"...

I applaud you for sticking by your sibling....."I certainly have experiences that are similar to yours......
Please keep in touch.......how are you today ?
How long until you leave the country?
Lol. I am smiling here because when one goes to Bali, it feels like your leaving the country......like going to somewhere extravagant like Russia

Lol

[Kiera80]

@PeppiPatty 

Good morning to you!  I'm travelling along okay at the moment.  Had a bad day with my sibling last week but all seems to have ironed itself out because I did the right thing and held my tongue instead of exploding.

Yay me!

I'm heading to Bali just after middle of Feb and so looking forward to it.  I'm glad it's just a short flight away and not on the other side of the world, although the next trip I'm planning after Bali will be much further away and I need to start learning some Italian.

Weren't you also considering a trip to Bali soon?

I think Russia would be way too cold.  Not on my to do list at the moment.

[lucky]

Hi Keira

I can relate to your dilemma. I have a brother with Down's Syndrome and am his guardian and administrator. Although he doesn't live with me, it is difficult, as he is mostly non-verbal and very hard to relate to. At age 53, he is quite set in his ways and not interested in doing much. So hard to know how to relate, as he doesn't give feedback - only negative, if and when he doesn't want to do something. I am the oldest sibling sister and am the key family contact person, as my parents have both passed away. Sometimes I wish I didn't have this reponsibility and then I feel guilty, as I know he can't help having this disability! I have some limited help from my siblings, although harder for the other brothers who live interstate. We take him out of his facility once a month, when we can.

I liked your suggestions to Tatsinda about her husband. May I also suggest that she ask him for help and think of ways where and when he can support her? Sometimes we, the strong independent females, forget that we can encourage distance between us and our partner by not asking them (genuinely) for help!

Cheers,

Lucky  

[PeppiPatty]

@Kiera80,

......I'm only 47 but my flying days are over. I just like staying at home and hand sewing. I am okay at drawing yet..... have a block.......... but I have an idea about nature that I wouldn't mind exploring. ........
the only place I'de probably go to is Brisbane to play backgammon with my son.......He is struggling at the moment, he refuses to take medication ........but on the other hand he has upped his work and seeing a Psychologist. It's non of my business......it's nice to think he's managing his life.
@kato actually reminds me a little of my son!!

Yep, every now and again I think of going to Bali.........you write about your experience and welle see..........

am SO pleased that you are managing your life with your sibling.
Have no regrets.

Day at a time !

[Fatima]

Yes I have lost a lot of my compassion after taking care of my ungrateful, controlling and often nasty mother for the past twelve months. For a year I was very caring but then became fed up with her abusive, ungrateful attitude and now I hardly care like before. I have to leave her for a few days as I just can't stand it. I have organised a carer to come in each day for an hour. That's about all I can do as my health was suffering.

[Kiera80]

@lucky Yes, it's hard being the older sibling.  A step down from our parents we pretty much are expected to take on the role of carer I think.  If I wasn't a responsible person then I would have been off the hook. How nice that would have been.  I realised that my parents, being older, would not have been able to cope with the nightmare my sibling put me through and therefore I sheltered them from most of what was going on. It was only when the behaviour affected them directly that they got dragged into things.  Thankfully that wasn't too often and I was there to support them too.

I still think the health system needs to do more to support carers.  The inadequacies are still a bit of a thorn in my side.  I have found that there is no follow up whatsoever regarding my sibling.  Nobody wants to know unless there's some crisis going on.

I love your advice for Tatsinda too. Asking for help and support would also involve him and make him realise that his opinion and what he wants matters too.