Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BEKA]

My 20 year old son is not coping in life. He was diagnosed with Asperger's (now known as ASD) when he was younger and was in therapy for a few years, plus was on antidepressants but has been off of them for over 2 years now. He graduated from coding school in December and is now completely lost. He spirals out of control over video games and it has been escalating where he starts throwing things punching walls, biting and hitting himself. It is not easy to watch and he refuses all types of help (I mean everything). I made him a GP appt and he cancelled it saying nothing will help him. 

He has had a few good moments in the past month (started going to the gym and some good times with mates) and he says none of that matters as it always goes back to him feeling like this and he wants to commit suicide. Has told me I won't be a grandmother to his kids as he won't be here when he's 30 but also says in a few weeks it won't matter anyway. He won't even look at my husband and I when we try and talk to him and pretty much lays in his bed all day on his phone (playing more games) and then after a day or so, gets back on the video games on his computer and the cycle starts again. He works one day a week (for ~5 hours) and won't pick up more shifts. 

So what can I do for someone who absolutely refuses to help themselves and will barely talk to us. I'm at my wits end and not coping.  I check on him throughout the day and tell him I love him and I'm going to keep asking him if he will talk to someone because one day he might just say yes. Anyone been in this situation and have any ideas? Thank you! 

[GardensHeart]

Hi @BEKA , 

Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing. So sorry to hear about the stressful situation...

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

Hopefully as time pass, more members will see your post and provide you with some support. 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @BEKA this sounds like a truly awful, distressing and challenging situation. 

I commend you for the love you have for your son and continuing to try to offer him help. Do you pay his phone bill/computer bill? Do you feel like he is genuinely suicidal or he's saying these statements to mask other feelings of distress/frustration/upset?

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation but perhaps you could gain advice from professionals as I'm sure they've seen this sort of behaviour before. 

[BasicBird]

Suicidal thoughts could mean there are unmet needs. What are they?

When needs are met, motivation can increase.

[PeppyPatti]

Hey @BEKA 

 

Yes, I'm in a similar situation. Different and little bits in your story rings true with my son. 

As I say to my oldest son, whenever a situation presents itself, the most important thing is that you are safe. 

Please bare with me while I ask what is your support system ? 

Be it whether your Gp 

Chaplin 

Family and friends and loved ones ? 

Online support ?

Your Mum ? 

The similarity is that my youngest son idealizes suicide. I haven't spoken to him for 3 years. He works fulltime but had 15 years of cancer and he's cut me off while he comes to terms with the memories - 

He thinks he's always right. 

Angry at me. 

He doesn't go to the GPS to have his head checked once per year.