Thanks for replying
Yes I had my daughter for the past two weeks at Mums we don't have a lot of space inside and that gets to me too. I am so used to having my own home and space.
My adult son I see omce or twice a week he is just a 30min drive away so he can get his learners licence hours up.
My oldest daughter I was living with then her neighbour before I got evicted. I speak or msg her once a week or so. The oldest two have gone through the motions of my downfall at 21 and 18 its easier for them to understand.
I have the avos because I said some unusual and stupid things in email and at someomes workplace so the police did the avo. I wasn't violent, I was very stupid and in mania/psychosis as the stress from everything I really couldn't think straight. I feel so bad as I did have meds in the house I could have taken to get myself back to work but now I have been through so much the drs won't allow me to work until next year. The move and my Mum the way she is is a lot for me. I didn't ask for the time off the last psych ward I was, in handed it to me and daid to see a gp there but I left after being punched /car keyed at the sharehouse when I arrived home. I got med records for motor insurance and its tough reading it all. I hate that I didn't catch myself and take meds instead of doing some very silly things and driving across the state and back. I got a lot of my chest but it wasn't the right thing to do. I was unsafe for a week and it all lasted in a psychosis/depressive cycle for 3 or 4 months.
So now I take the meds from fear of it happening again I feel flat from those. I have a seizure movement disorder, the meds for that are a mood stabiliser too so we just had them increased to 2 a day now.
Psychosis was in and out for days and dealing with everyone having a go at me and me just in a weird state of "well I'll be homeless then" knowing without my child in my care I'd not have enough money but she is loving her life in her new town again. I have a shed to sort and scrap metal to haul into a pile so I will be busy with the move. I guess all the hardwork I put in now will help my sisters having to do less when Mum does pass so I guess that's my punishment. We have so much stuff to be rid of. My sisters and my Dad aren't very happy with me about how I was reacting but I needed a different approach. My daughter had gone before I went into psychosis while I was in mania and ne knowing her Dad was gonna look yo move back and keep her but no one believed that. They thought I was on drugs and hanging with criminals which wasn't true. Its been very difficult.
Psychosis isn't a joke at all sometimes I laugh but also remember what it cost me. I've been a parent that had to work for 21 yrs and then not as bubbly as her Dad. My daughter just prefers bubbly and listems to her Dad's rules as he has quite a blase approach and also he was a single man for most of his life so he has set ways and also just buys stuff. He was a manager in a store so he manages her he doesn't get emotional and laughs off her attitude. He has support from his sister who has no children and needs support at times as she had a stroke but returned to work as that keeps her busy. So I dunno if thry will move on their own in future and I would like to just co parent under one roof like they offered 2 years ago but I didn't and then the psychosis may have scared her off supporting me. I just keep taking meds and olan to help Mum thin out this house and move 8ish hours from here.
