Trying makes it worse

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @maddison 

Hugs

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom @maddison 

Hope ur doing well, did you have a nice boxing day break ?

How did u spend it ?

I have been watching YouTube and resting.

I watched today a woman who went to thrift stores in the US and found special things which she then resold for profit. She was so excited about every item she found. 

Ive painted my nails brown , found my shade !

My friends have been a bit distant with my last bout in hospital. Sometimes people don't understand.

Hope everyone is well 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower Sorry you friends are bit distant.  In all my life poeple have mainly been freaked out by mental health wards ... cant talk about ... do not know what to say ... things have changed a lot since those days .. but maybe some people are slow to understand ... some of the friends may learn and stick around ... and get better at connecting ... 

Its that 

 

To be honest I am not one to know about lots of friendships, so should not give advice as such, just my approach has been not to have a lot of expectations of others.  The more I hoped or yearned, the more I was disappointed.  In the end be KIND to YOU.  We cannot control others, and those who do try and control us too much should probably be avoided.

I was at a party from 2pm to 3 am ... chatted, ate, curled up on couch, listened, ate, chatted, learned how to play poker ... no stripping involved....lol... but fussy protocols .... come one guys ... its only poker ... but some seem to take it seriously indeed.lol...  So very social for me.  Like VERY unusual.  Have not played since I was in church youth club ... long time ago ... ha ha ... I was drinking water (Then and now) but they were not.  

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower 

That can be hard for you. We don't know people's motives. I don't have any friends except for you guys on here.

My head has been strange. 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison..have U been ok? Have you found this period a bit funny with new year etc,

Hope ur house mate has been ok as well. It is hard to find friends and I can see the appeal sometimes and almost prefer being alone . 

I liked that sign @Appleblossom 

Did you enjoy the sun today ? Is it quiet by you guys ?

I feel bit funny as well ...

My friendship issue was a bit much. I am ok, though 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower Sorry about the friends stuff.

I think my son and I are going through a sifting friends process.  In my past I had to trust too much, I did not have much of a filter and accepted everyone, but now I am older I am not as vulnerable and can make more choices and have different levels of friendship and that is alright.  Not everyone is going to be a bosom buddy. 

When I was studying psychodrama they had a great activity where we drew concentric circles with our SELF in the middle.  We discussed how people move from different levels of closeness as things unfold, some surprise in a good way some get more distant or we lose contact. Finally I am having those conversations about friends his and mine.  We have both been vulnerable and isolated, and it is not gossip or anything, its far deeper, it about virtues and traits.  I think some of his friends may be a little bit good for him cos they will help him get more worldly and I am trusting him that he will not get lead astray by their drunkenness.

Its funny but I got a surprise visit this arvo from a new friend (I met her a year ago) and we are at the new learning about each other and feeling wonderful about how similar our values are.  We have differences too, but connect well on a lot of things.  Its that organic quality that is not just about being nice or goodness, about about deeper approaches to life.

It really helped me having that concentric circles model in mind and not getting too hung up on all my fear whether I was likeable or worthy etc.  I was pretty fearful for a very long time and still am a bit, but slowly getting older and more ornery and a teensy bit wiser.

Hugs @maddison 

[Appleblossom]

Yes the sun is nice today.  The evap cooler is humming but I can still hear birds outside.  Was in the garden.  @EternalFlower Mostly it is quiet. Can hear the odd car accelerate way in the distance ... just now that I am writing this post ... the driver must have known ... lol ...

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower 

Thanks for replying. I'm having body discomforts. I am ok.

Didn't sleep well last night.

Lovely & hot here today. My silly neighbour had his music on loud a minute ago. Our houses are about 2 metres away! And he has a very expensive audio setup 'by the sounds of things.'

We don't talk. He is younger. Very good looking. Bit of a twat. Always working. I think he is an entrepreneur type? I'm sounding very judgey. I shouldn't be mean about him. I'm not really... I'm sure he thinks horrible things about me too!

I can't say (hny) - I'm not in the mood. You have any plans?

I will be here... It would be cool to go to a fun party.

What is going on with friend? Are they being mean? Or distant? I guess they can definately feel the same - maybe not long term? I'm not sure.

💜😘

Hugs @Appleblossom 

[EternalFlower]

Hey @Appleblossom @

It turned out ok with the friend, in that, we are but distant but it's ok. Like I feel she is a bit of a princess 

...it's very hard for her to relate.

Shedding friends always hurts, that's interesting about the circles and about your sons and ur friends. Do you reconnect with people who U were for a time more distant with? I guess as we grow what we like and need does too.

Ah @maddison twat neighbour....lol so much effort with the sound system. Did they have a party ?

It was dead quiet here and my mind is also a bit fried.

I went to get a coffee today but everything was closed.

I feel bit lonely 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

eg I found a friend on facebook from 40 years ago... its kind of nice she is in photos from back then but is Danish and lives there.

With another friend from when I was 10 we lost contact then met up again.  She prefer to meet up a couple of times per year, and that is enough for me. We might have overnights and only send a few random emails in between. We are very different in personality, interests and education but also going so far has a special quality about it.  

I have a lot of self worthiness issues and not feeling likeable or loveable, but clinging to relationships tends not to make them better.  I still feel lonely a lot, but also good at entertaining myself.  I am happier now, that I have finally learned to say "no" to things sometimes and not always be in my neediness. I also have resources. I am enjoying other female friendships and not putting too much pressure on any of them but also trying not to compromise myself as I used to submit a lot.  Had fun chatting at church this morning and laughed a bit, and asserted myself and met possible future collaborators ....  Did not know we were allowed to have fun there, but I am finding a way. lol.