Compassion fatigue: When caring hurts too much

[maddison]

Hi All & @Grasshopper3
It absolutely means the world to me that words I wrote when I was convinced I was alone, have been relatable to someone else. Although, I am sad that you also feel the helplessness that I do.
Reading back over my comment, I realise their is no solution, but the advice i would give myself, is to try and step back. It is too much to ask to wholly provide care to someone else. Be mindfully kind to myself and others. Accept that defeat is inevitable - for everyone in every circumstance. I know it very easy to say, and much more difficult when in the midst of trauma, and that it may not be an option to separate myself. It is natural for humans to want help another, and when our actions impact someone in a positive way, we naturally feel as if we are succeeding and a sense of purpose. But the support we offer does not have 100% success rate - sometimes we are helpless, and that is OK. It is not our fault, it is not the fault of professionals, it is not even the fault of person who is MI. If today is not a success, that is OK. There will be days in the future, when your care and support will be successful, and mean everything to some one else.

[Shaz51]

Hello  @maddison 

[Former-Member]

Hey everyone, @Shaz51 he was much better yesterday and today thank you. A little anxious. He has agreed to come with me to my psychologist which is a great start.

[Shaz51]

wow that is great @Former-Member xx

[JoJo99]

@Shaz51 @CherryBomb@Former-Member@maddison@outlander 

Today I was so overwhelmed by all the calls I have to make and organise appointments for daughter and mother. After 4 hours straight, I was like I have had half a cup of coffee and I need a break. So I did the 'care' thing and made a cuppa and lunch, sat down and watched an hour of tv. I really enjoyed it but when show finished I slid right into a black hole. Thought I need to take care of me. Called my therapist to make an appointment, which I never do, she must of realised bcoz she saw me this arvo. So glad I went. Came home and slept for 3 hours!

Carer burnout and exhaustion: So each morning she said to make a list of things to do. A basic list that you know you can do. Allow for a rest, set a timer to wake up, but make sure you have 'a thing' to do for when you get up. Even small cleaning chores that you never get around to.  Same for right thru the day. I thought this was good because I have so much trouble getting organised now, always running late bcoz I leave everything to the last minute coz I feel so tired all the time. So like nothing is open ended, there is a plan for the day.

Let you know how this goes when I try it tomorrow. Hope I don't just dismiss it and commit to it 🙂

[Kat80]

I am feeling burnt out. And feeling guilty for not doing enough for ageing parents, they say they dont need help but I feel they do, but I still need to work to support me and my partners life. I am so torn most of the time about what my priority should be as my parents have a way of asking for help but then not wanting help and struggling to stay independant. I really need someone to talk to, as I have drifted apart from any friends I did have and am just stressed about my situation and lack of work that I enjoy, but trying to juggle the work I have with caring , like taking parents to appointments and organising things, trying to help them with techlology to make good decisions.  I also have a job I applied for that I have to get teferences, I hate asking people to say nice things about me, I just wrorty about the whole reference thing like what if they really think Im a terrible employee and say that, and that just stresses me, but I cant live with no money. My mum says she doesnt need fulltime help yet, but she gets lost when shopping and is just in denile i think. So Im not sure even if i should go for job because what if something happens and she declines even more. I feel like Im in limbo not sure what will happen with her illness. But cant afford to not work without a carers payment or something.

[Kat80]

That sounds like a good plan. Being organised is a good thing, things can get muddled when you arecaring for someone, they need undevided attention a lot of the time. And taking time for you is a good thing to remember to do.

[maddison]

Hi @Kat80 

My situation is a bit different but I can relate to the feelings of being burnt out & in limbo. I also understand what is like for someone to refuse help but at the same time be reliant.

It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate right now. Hang in there 🙂 I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job! 

Maybe research any part time carer help available? District nursing? Sorry I have no idea what help is there for seniors, or costs involved.

Being a carer means we automatically give so much of ourselves to help those less capable. More than the average person. I don't think a lot of  people could comprehend the daily sacrifices & struggles made & not always because of our mad skills! but because we are the only ones here. I think that is why it is even more important than usual to make sure we look after ourselves - as well. In other words, strive for the job you have applied for. You deserve to enjoy your work. Don't worry about what people may say as your referees, you could explain to you new prospective boss that you were not as happy in previous jobs & worried about how that will reflect. However, you hope to enjoy this job much more, or something like that?

Anyway, I hope things work out well. Maybe some of my advice is ok? Maybe none... Maybe just an alternative perspective help to slow things down a bit.

It can be very difficult.

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs my @maddison , @Kat80 .

I have become mum's carer as she needs more help 

My husband has bipolar and other diagnosis 

It can be overwhelming and letting you know that you are not alone my friends 

I will tag a couple of  members  @Former-Member , @outlander , @Faith-and-Hope , @Smc , @greenpea , @Appleblossom , @Anastasia , @TideisTurning 

Also clicking on the thread will help tòo Carers Hints and tips to Success 

[Former-Member]

@Kat80 

Are you able to speak to your parents GP about getting the carer payment for Mum?