@Maddison
Maddison wrote:
I think part of the exhaustion comes from the position of helplessness I find myself....when I want so badly to provide care, and my absolute best efforts are simply not enough. As difficult as it is to accept that someone you care about is very ill( either physically or mentally), it's the acceptance that sometimes the greatest compassion I have to offer, is simply not enough...thus I feel hopeless, helpless, exhaustion, defeated. It is harder to put into words. I guess I am saying, that sometimes I wish I had better strategies or education in how to deal with situations.
@Shaz51, @Former-Member, @Mohill, @patientpatient,
Here I was, thinking the double dose depot plus the wavers would help my son... he now sleeps from 10pm till 12, 1, 2pm in the afternoon.
Still has got no energy to start anything. He forces himself to go for a daily walk with me.
He says the increase in meds hasnt helped his mind, but he likes sleeping, he says he can't wait till 6pm when he takes his next waver.
I asked him yesterday, hey, I know there are a lot of people in the same boat as you, but there is always hope, things will get better. Do you hope this too? He shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno..."
I stared in front of me and I just wanted to cry.... He said what are you thinking off?
I wanted to tell him what Maddi wrote, see above, but I asked him this:
What is the reason you get out of bed? He said, "my smoke and my coffee"
I said I was hoping the medication would have given you some of your old energy back (unmedicated he is a ball of energy....has ADHD too)
He said nah. I said the Psych has been talking about chsnging your meds from depot to oral meds, He seems to think that miight benefit you. Would you be willing to give this a try?
Again shrugged his shoulders.
I am exhaused ot trying... going back to work after a looong weekend at home with him.
Oh I did go out to the shops, even had a lovely massage... but I used to be so much more outgoing and I really dont want to even speak or see anyone at the moment. All I have inside me is desparation, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, what have I become, I just dont know what to say to him anymore.
I just turn on some music and keep busy around the house, but I am not happy, as he is not happy
He has initiated to work with an organisation but the girl introduced herself last week after a 2 week wait, and is going on holidays for a week. There is only 2 more weeks and I will drag ourselves to the airport to sit in an airplane for 24 hrs travel... I better get some Nicotine patches for him.
It will probably the last time i get to see my mum, my sweet mum, battling with Parkinsons on the other side of the world. She is now refusing some of her medication making it really hard on my dad caring for her at home. I need to be with them but can only take 3 weeks off, and cannot leave my son at home alone.
not happy jan... what have I become? Living an extraordinary life like so many other carers.
I told my son if we come back from this trip, we start saving up to see his sister, who lives country QLD.
Better get ready for work, taking the car so I can drive home in my lunchbreak to see how son is going and to keep him company for a half an hour to break his day.
Compassion fatigue yep yep yep
@Grasshopper3 I hear you loud and clear. I feel that same exshaution. Keep trying with a med change for him. The one he is on is definetly not helping the depression. Hoping you can get some respite and peace