I hate my favorite brother

[Annabelle]

My brother has bipolar and so do I. I manage it. He does not. He drinks and gambles and takes drugs. He works as a lawyer. His clients are all dodgy. Mum wants him to keep being a lawyer so she gives him money and enables his lifestyle. She is the only one close to him even though he has done so many things to her like selling her car to drug dealers and pretending it was stolen. Dad tolerates him for the sake of a relationship. He has no friends and none of his siblings feel safe for him to be around them or their children. He has turned out to be a very very horrible, nasty, narcissistic person who poisons every relationship he has. I hate who he has become and I would be happy if I never saw or spoke to him again. And I hate to see myself saying that because I thought I would never 'write him off'. But he is bad news and he blames it all on bipolar. He scares me.

[-karma-]

Hi Annabelle

families are a mix of complex dynamics, I notice your post is also that, 'I hate my favourtie brother'. You name him as your favourite brother...is it  still possible for you to see those qualities in him, that gave him this prized position in your eyes? How do you manage the relationship now, and those that are playing out in front of you,(with other family members), it must be difficult to watch?

[-karma-]

Annabelle

me again, I wonder if you might think about looking at our lived experience forum? There are lots of members posts about bipolar, I suggest that members could offer another perspective about your brothers behaviour, as your experience sounds very unlike his.

karma

[Jo]

I think Karma's idea is a great one. Also, when you care for someone with a mental illness (I've cared for a sister with schizophrenia, a nephew with schizophrenia and a son with bipolar) you will inevitably become the target of some anger or bizarre behaviour at times. Like you, I became so frustrated and angry because I loved my family members so much and the abuse/allegations hurt terribly.But the wisest advice I received, which helped me to place things in perspective was simply this:  'You must always remember that it is NOT your sister talking. It's the illness'. If you can keep telling yourself this, it may help a little. 

[lucky]

Hi Annabelle

I note that you shared your brother has been drinking (among other things) and your Mum has been putting up with his bad behaviour. Have you and Mum heard of Al-Anon Family Groups? This is a WONDERFUL program for the families and friends of alcoholics. There are free and confidential meetings all over the country. If you decide to try Al-Anon, you will be invited to attend 6 meetings, to decide if it is right for you. There are no contract to sign - you can come and go as you please and it is not religious. The helpline is: 1300 242 666 and website: al-anon.alateen.org/australia The members are very friendly and welcoming and you will discover that you are not alone! Good luck!

From Lucky