Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

There is not really any information I can find on the stages of a mental breakdown. Not like grief where there are seven stages, although they do not work in order. 

I don't know if I'm still "in my mental breakdown" had it or coming out of it. I don't have a way of knowing at this point. It was roughly two weeks ago now. I was walking out the back door onto the verandah to do something, I felt quite glum and I just stopped. I wasn't doing ok. I thought, no push on it will pass. I couldn't do it and I just looked at my partner, tears welled up in my eyes and I said I can't do this anymore. I then cried for a really long time. I don't recall much after that. 

Looking back the only thing I recall is crying and I don't know on which day, but I told my partner to shape up or ship out basically. I was done. 

Sitting here this evening and I'm thinking what part of all this is normal? Generally not feeling much at all. Not even any interest in work or life. Just non responsive to emotion. I went to a book group today and it is like it happened a week ago but it was this morning. It feels like it was a different day other than Saturday. 

My brain is still in a fog. I know I can't work right now. My brain just can't take anything in and sort it out. I'm worn out physically, emotionally and mentally. If I'm not highly anxious and stressed, I'm in bec, wanting to sleep and switch off. 

I know I need to change my life. Not everything that has happened in the last 8 months was a result of my own choices. I feel like nothing makes any sense and my brain gets muddled trying to make sense. When I do think something makes sense, I'm thinking no your mind is pretty much screwed right now and it's not reliable. I feel vulnerable and my armor I had taken off, I have put back on. It's a horrible feeling trying to trust anyone when you are vulnerable 

I just want some insight from anyone who has had a severe mental breakdown on how normal this is?

Thank you. 

[Fluttershy1]

Hey @Powderfinger ,

I don't ever recall me having a mental breakdown but I know I may of had a few of them but don't remember as I disassociate quite abit. 
But I understand where you are coming from. 
It can be a very uneasy feel and not a nice feeling because you don't know what normal feels after being in it. 
im here for you.

[Powderfinger]

@Fluttershy1 I understand disassociation. Many who have a mental breakdown don't really disassociate, they are aware. It's more of a very dizzy brain fog and they may stare fixatedly on something. Disassociation I feel is complete removal from the situation and experience. 

So little is written about mental breakdowns. I thought I'd ask here as those with lived experience can give it to you straight. 

Normal is such a banal word when it comes to this. Nothing was normal, is normal/usual prevent predictable. 

[destructive]

Hi @Powderfinger 

I'm not sure what to say as don't think I've ever had a breakdown as such. Not sure because don't really know what it would be defined as. I think that's probably the hard thing about finding info on it, it's hard enough to even define because everyone's experience is so different. I've certainly had times where my mental health has dramatically declined and I've ended in hospital but I've had mental health struggles as far as I can remember (also experience dissociation)

These would be great questions to work through with a therapist to find out what's 'normal' for you. Do you have support? I'd hazard a guess that if it impacts on your quality of life then it doesn't matter so much if it's 'normal' or not, it's not how you want to live so might need support to work through. 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Powderfinger ...what you've written sounds familiar to me from my own severe nervous breakdown. 

I don't think there were 'stages' to it, other then a slow coming out of it (over months). The only point I couldn't relate to in your post was the putting back on of your armour. I remember feeling so weak and vulnerable that I felt the slightest puff of wind (or slightly unkind word) would knock me over - that I was without armour at all, emotionally and mentally speaking, I mean, and with no strength to put any on.

So I think it might be a good sign that you can put your armour back on? I hope so...

[Powderfinger]

@destructive 

Thanks for sharing. I'm starting therapy tomorrow. 

[Powderfinger]

@NatureLover 

What I meant by putting my armor back on is I know I'm extremely vulnerable right now. Predators exist in the world. I've put my armor on metaphorically speaking so that no nasty critters or predators can get in. Why? Because I know that the tiniest thing can knock me hard right now. 

[jem80]

@Powderfinger 

I hear that things are really challenging for you.

For me I had felt anxious and depressed for a long time, many months before I had a psychotic breakdown.

It was only evident that something was really wrong to others about a week or two leading up to it.

Even after I was discharged from hospital it took almost 2 years to feel ok in myself again.

My mind had to reset itself and for the first six months there were some struggles.

Mental health professionals/doctors do mention that if you have had symptoms for a couple of weeks that it's good to seek a medical check up to see if anything needs to be done.

Once I was discharged from hospital I regular saw a mental health professional just to keep in check with how I was going. What supports do you have that you can perhaps talk to for your mental health like a doctor or psychologist?

After a couple of years I started to feel more grounded after my psychotic breakdown. My mind was recovering. I remembered more things and I felt more actively engaged to do more activities.

[Lostandalone]

Oh @Powderfinger  i so understand where you are coming from.... 

I am feeling exactly the same

i THINK I had a complete mental breakdown 3-6 months ago.... some days I feel like I am still in the midst of it.... some days I feel like I am coming out of it... most days I just don't know 

I cannot cope with anything

i have no motivation 

i cry and I don't know why... 

counselling/therapy might be chipping away at the edges... but I really don't know

i don't feel like me anymore

i feel like I have lost everything 

it is really hard to explain 

[Coping_somewhat]

The words you said "I can't do this anymore" where almost identical to my "I can't take this anymore". That's what I screamed while on the phone providing IT support to a large company. My mind just snapped. I remember after that I cried what seems like forever, then silence. I felt nothing and then utter despair. In my mind I had only 2 choices: seek immediate help or just end it.

So I checked into a mental hospital. Now I'm not saying that's the right choice (or a possibility) for you, but it was for me. There I could be vulnerable while being guided and supported. I was lost and I needed to rediscover myself, and fix the broken parts. For me it was issues from the past that I hadn't yet resolved/processed. Are you able to get any professional help? Do you have any supportive family or friends?

It took me several years to recover from my mental breakdown. This may not be the case for you though, I think that's a very individual thing. I do believe it's your brain telling you something isn't working or isn't right in your life that you have been ignoring or pushed down.

Let me know if you'd like more help/info. I wish you all the best.