Attachment styles

[BKind2]

I’m struggling with my boyfriend. We had a baby 6 months ago, his first but my 3rd. I feel like he’s withdrawn his love from me and I’ve just learned that I now have an anxious attachment and he has an avoidant style. I’m feeling unloved and my brain is looping horrible thoughts. 

[30ormore]

I know the challenges that combination of attachment styles throws up all too well. Learn what you can to heal the anxious part of your attachment. Encourage your partner to do the work they need to do, too. Even if they don't see the need to change, encourage them to look into it. They will have to adjust anyway, once they feel the change in you, they will react or respond. If you change, they will feel it. Then they may change their mind. They may not either, but at least you will feel stronger and better able to deal with life. I wish you well. 

[AuntGlow]

Hello @BKind2, 

How are you today? 

I just wanted to drop by and let you know that I understand this feeling very well (I am a fellow anxiously attached person!). It can be an awful feeling; that sense of rejection, isolation, or overwhelm that comes with perceived abandonment. It's a tough place to be in. 

I can imagine there would be a lot of changes and vulnerabilities that come with having a child, so I wonder if there are any potential triggers or challenges coming up for you both that are unrelated to your relationship?

Have you been able to openly share how you are feeling and vice versa?

In my experience, more avoidant humans need more space to process and us anxious folk often need answers in the moment - are you finding this dynamic challenging, or is it something else? 

Happy to listen and talk things out whenever you need. In the meantime, remember that things can shift with time and support. I hope you and bub are doing well. 💛

[BKind2]

Thank you

I am practicing self care and doing my best to ease my anxiety. I read the book called Attached and it has been most helpful. I’ve spoken with my partner and he has been more attentive. I know in my heart we will be ok