Lived Experience Forum

[chibam]

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@NatureLover wrote:

This is terrible, @chibam ! 😮 

How did you escape in the end? (I'm thankful you did!)

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She just pronounced me cured one day, based off the fact that she believed I had enough money!

It was really strange, because I don't think I ever spoke to her about money or my financial situation. I come from a family where money tends to be treated as a very private matter: we don't talk about how much money we have, and we don't ask others how much money they have or how much they get paid. So I wouldn't have mentioned my financial situation to her

If I had told her about it in detail, she almost certainly would've considered it to be problematic.

Still, I didn't stop to ask questions. I was just glad to finally be rid of her.

[Dimity]

That's good the storage has finally happened @NatureLover , you've been waiting a while. Next I guess the difficult decisions of what deserves space there,  as probably not everything will fit. But it's a new start for you.

The admission next week is the next step in fixing what went wrong this week - then the surgery should fix the underlying problem.  The specialist aims to do it about a month after the eye surgery, then I think there's a  rehabilitation period. So I'm considering getting extra help for at least 4 months. Hopefully it will make a dent in my stash. It will certainly make a dent in my savings.

I hope you enjoy the weekend, it sounds as though you had a very productive week with both the electrician and the handyman.

[NatureLover]

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@chibam wrote:

She just pronounced me cured one day, based off the fact that she believed I had enough money!

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That is so terrible, @chibam  - her warped point of view, I mean! However, I'm glad it meant that you could escape! 

I hate to think of this woman spreading her poison to all her patients 😣

[NatureLover]

Hi @Dimity  - yes, I'm thrilled with my 2 new tall thin storage cabinets. I've almost filled the one in the bedroom already, but the one in the lounge-room is still deliciously empty and tempting me with its storage possibilities 😄 I think I will use it for the few items in the shed that I will be able to keep, out of those 30 boxes yet to do. 

I also have the outside storage trunk built - it was the largest size I could find. It's a bit thin (it's plastic), but I can start moving things out of my neighbour's shed this weekend. It's exciting. 

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@Dimity wrote:

The admission next week is the next step in fixing what went wrong this week - then the surgery should fix the underlying problem.

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Oh gosh - it sounds like a long complicated process 😢

I hope you can find a really good and suitable helper for those 4 months. Am sending wishes for you... 🤞

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@Dimity wrote:

I hope you enjoy the weekend, it sounds as though you had a very productive week with both the electrician and the handyman.

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I also had a plasterer in. Unfortunately he did a bad job, so I'm wondering what to do about that. I will also have to paint over the plaster in 2 spots, so am worried as it will leave a new paint smell for any inspection coming up. (The Smoke Detector Check has been rescheduled for next Friday)

Hoping you can get done what you need to before your hospital stay next week. How long will you be in hospital? Sending care... 

[chibam]

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@NatureLover wrote:

That is so terrible, @chibam  - her warped point of view, I mean! However, I'm glad it meant that you could escape! 

I hate to think of this woman spreading her poison to all her patients 😣

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Same, @NatureLover . I've really only given you the tip of the iceberg, but her money fixation was all through that therapy, and yes, you do get a sense that she must be a horror story for many of her other patients.

In one of our earliest sessions, she effectively came right out and admitted to me that she tries to indoctrinate her other patients to be fixated on money; particularly to treat their marriages/romantic relationships as business arrangements, with a material/monetary focus. That was a HUGE red flag, and I pretty much tried to keep her at an arm's length after that.

But the thing is that, after 7 years, they still manage to get inside your head, no matter how hard you fight to keep them out.

I don't know. I've been thinking that maybe I'm unreasonably hostile to her ideology because I grew up in a household where there was a lot of emotional abuse, but the compensation (for lack of a better word) was that there were some really lavish gifts in lieu of kind words. So if you'd gone around my childhood/teenage bedroom and tallied up the monetary value of all the toys and devices in there, you could've made the argument that I had a really fortunate childhood. But it was a very unhappy childhood.

So consequently, I'm pretty thoroughly convinced that money doesn't equal happiness; because I grew up amidst financial/monetary comfort, and I was very unhappy there. And so this focus-on-wealth attitude to life that my therapist kept pushing seemed really on the nose to me. It's like: "I've been where your trying to take me, and there's nothing meaningful there!", but she just didn't care about my point of view on the subject.

[Dimity]

Wow @NatureLover you're really steaming ahead, it's inspiring. 

Can you fix the plasterer's bad job somehow? Sand it back or something before you paint? It sounds very disappointing. 

The hospital thing could be only a few hours but I was told to pack a toothbrush in case I have to stay overnight. 

I got my errands done today and got my first ever delivery of groceries. I'm expecting a visitor tomorrow but I'm ashamed to have them. 

Do you have to deal with your 30 boxes urgently or can you take your time?

[NatureLover]

Thanks, @Dimity . Yes, I decided to tackle the house maintenance before I become poor again soon! (Inheritance running out shortly)

I think I can sand back the plasterer's job in the bedroom, but the job in the kitchen is worse. I'm not sure what to do, but I think I'll ask the handyman when he comes next. 

I've half filled the new storage trunk with the easy stuff from the shed. Very happy with that. I actually counted the remaining boxes and I think there are 25, not 30 - hard to tell, as they're piled up in the gloom of the shed. I haven't checked with my neighbour on her plans, but at this point there's no urgency 🤞

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@Dimity wrote:

The hospital thing could be only a few hours but I was told to pack a toothbrush in case I have to stay overnight. 

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Oh, I will be crossing my fingers and sending wishes for you, @Dimity 🤞 Which day next week is it?

I hope it goes better than you think with your visitor today, and that you don't feel too ashamed. And that they don't make you feel too ashamed, either. 

[NatureLover]

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood, @chibam  😢 Unfortunately, mine was similar. 

However, I don't think you're "unreasonable hostile" to her ideology. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Relationships are not primarily about money. Or at least, healthy ones aren't. 

I also don't think it's right or ethical to be pushing ANY personal ideology to patients. For instance, I once had a therapist who laughed when I said I was searching for God. (I did end up becoming religious, but am no longer so.) But she shouldn't have pushed her atheism on anyone. Similar to your unprofessional therapist about money. 

She sounds like an absolute nightmare 😢🫂

[chibam]

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@NatureLover wrote:

She sounds like an absolute nightmare 😢🫂

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She was/is, @NatureLover .

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@NatureLover wrote:

I also don't think it's right or ethical to be pushing ANY personal ideology to patients. For instance, I once had a therapist who laughed when I said I was searching for God. (I did end up becoming religious, but am no longer so.) But she shouldn't have pushed her atheism on anyone. Similar to your unprofessional therapist about money.

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I tend to agree, @NatureLover . And in addition to her attitude towards money, my therapist was, to a lesser extent, pushy about other things like sexuality and religion; which I likewise didn't really appreciate.

I think therapists should respect the core roots of a person's character, such as their most deeply held values and beliefs (e.g. religion). But I know many don't.

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@NatureLover wrote:

However, I don't think you're "unreasonable hostile" to her ideology. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Relationships are not primarily about money. Or at least, healthy ones aren't. 

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Thanks, @NatureLover .🙂

I got into a disagreement recently online with someone, and at one point they asked me: "Oh, so you think your perfect?", which of course I don't. But that just goes to the heart of why it's so confusing trying to figure out what went on in my therapy.

Like, I know she was bad. But I also know that I'm not perfect, either.

So how do you know where the line is? Where's the line between what was her being a bad therapist, and between me being a messed-up patient? It can't have been all her.

I don't fit in this world. I've gotten tens of thousands of reminders of that throughout my lifetime. People want their environment to be built out of people who fit in; and I really, really get that. On the micro-scale, one manifestation of that is that therapists want patients who are made to respond well to their therapies and ideologies. And in an ideal world, that's all the people they'd ever meet.

I just don't fit in to that plan. And I don't know whether that's a sin I should feel guilty for, or whether it's just dame fortune screwing over everybody, or what.

I don't know how guilty I'm supposed to feel about being unable to fake being compliant with people like her on a sustainable basis. Is the horrid state of my life my fault, because I didn't just blindly and tirelessly obey every single little instruction she gave me? That I wasn't a perfect slave?

People talk so often about the glory of these western democracies we inhabit: freedom... liberty. This premise that we're supposed to be free to be ourselves. And yet, there was never any point in that therapy where I was truly welcome to say what I wanted for myself. It was all about me doing the chores that my therapists wanted me to do. The course of my life was not for me to choose.

I'm not denying that we have a duty to be considderate of overall society. But where does that line rest? At what point does protecting your own hopes and dreams become huberis and a sin?

As I say, it's not plausable to say that I was without blame in that therapy nightmare. But I also cannot deny that she, in particular, was bloody horrible, too.

It does your head in, trying to figure this stuff out, let me tell you.😵

[Dimity]

Well done with the trunk @NatureLover . The person sounds a very poor plasterer. Unfortunately a lot of people have no training or experience but advertise their services. Hopefully the handyman can help.

Your financial situation sounds difficult.  Would you consider looking for paid part-time work?

I cancelled today's visitor as I felt too unwell. I've been told to go to the hospital extremely early (for me) on Thursday but I've not yet had confirmation.

Best wishes for work tomorrow.