My heart hurts

[8ppleTree]

Hi @-abbey- 

Thanks for getting in touch! I'm sorry to hear that you weren't eligible 😕 

Without knowing your circumstances, it's really hard to say exactly. I believe that you may be able to speak to your GP and explain your financial constraints. Some councils have free or heavily subsidised community based mental health services that require a referral from your GP. 

Another alternative is 'Safe Havens' or 'Safe Spaces' (depending on what state you're in). They are free, friendly and non-clinical spaces (sometimes located within a hospital setting, but not always) where people can go to receive support with peer support workers and counsellors, and just have a chat. There is no obligation attached. 

https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/towardszerosuicides/Pages/safe-haven.aspx#about

Hope your wknd is going ok? 

[-abbey-]

@8ppleTree my phone freezes a lot when I come on this site so my reply got lost. Weekend has been.......

... 

Yeah... 

I'm not near any of these either. I'm not even that rural.

Thank you though. 

[tyme]

Hey @-abbey- ,

Great to see you again. How are things going for you?

[Bernard]

I hope you are doing okay.

[tyme]

Hi @-abbey- @Bernard ,

What's been happening? I look forward to hearing from you both.

Please tag me if you respond e.g. @tyme 

[-abbey-]

@tyme 

Doing okay, it's been a tough month or two, but mostly managing to not fall too deeply into the sadness.  I miss my son so so so much.  He wrote me a very short message about a month ago which was nice.  That's all.  I'd hoped it would be the start of something but it doesn't seem to be.  At least he said he loves me in it.  I'm hanging onto that.

How are you?

[tyme]

Hey @-abbey- ,

That's really special that he sent you that message. Definitely, hold on to that.

For me, I didn't talk to my parents for years. Not because I didn't love them, but I needed time to heal. 

When i was ready, I reconnected with them.

We're here for you.

[-abbey-]

@tyme 

Thank you.  I'm struggling.  It's nice to know.

I am estranged from my mother, not by choice, although it has brought with it a lot of peace with it sadly.  She's a very hurt person with some fairly big issues with how she sees things.  It creates a lot of hurt for those around her who love her as she is so bitter.  I don't know why she lashes out at those who love her.  Anyway, I always keep quiet when she lashes out, but the last time I could not.  It was about her telling me she thought if I had a miscarriage it would be the best thing for everyone concerned.  I didn't say nothing this time so she hung up on me while I was speaking.  I wrote her a big apology saying I had never intended on hurting her and I was sorry I had failed.  She has never spoken to me since.

I am so scared I'm my mother and that's why my son left.  Logically there are other reasons, bits and pieces I've heard, that are so important to his young teenage mind and he can't do them around me.  But I'm still so scared I'm my mother.

What were you healing from?  I am trying to understand this pathway as I was the opposite and needed my parents so much - they didn't need or want me which is weird that I needed them so much.  I'm trying to understand the place within a person that doesn't cling to their parents.

[tyme]

Hey @-abbey- ,

I'm hearing how much you are hurting. I'm sorry it is so painful for you at the moment.

I really struggled as a teenager. In a way, I lost my entire early adulthood because of my mental health. I struggled so much and needed to get away from everything so that I could learnt that the issue was ME - and I did.

I moved interstate. I didn't plan or prepare. I just got up and left everything behind. I thought all my issues were gone. And yes ,the first few months were great. But then I was once again caught up in my own struggles.

By being on my own, I couldn't blame anyone for my circumstances. I had to acknowledge I was the issue and hence do something about it.

I'm in a much much better place now. Life couldn't be better. I never thought I'd get to this stage, but I did.

It was hard work, but I was willing to make the changes. I didn't have family support, but I had the support of the system. And when the MH system didn't support me, I took that as my turn to get up and do it for myself.

Recovery is hard. Yet recovery is beautiful.

We don't always know or understand why things happen, but I've learnt to get up and accept the things I have no power to change.

Please know you are not alone. I'm here to journey with you. We are all learning.

[tyme]

How are you @-abbey- ?

Hope you are okay. I hear you are struggling a bit. 

Please know we are here for you.