Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

That was so lovely @Appleblossom ur taste is impeccable !!

It is nice to see ur YouTube finds.

I'm sorry to read U have felt you have carried stuff without sharing ...so much of this stuff feels so secretive which probably isn't ideal.

I go from hating my marks on myself to honestly wandering how I could do that to myself, like not recognising that person. My dr says I was just going through a terrible time. I have for a while, felt like everything was off, like I was trying to cope but I just didn't have the manual or something.

Last night at home my smoke alarm was triggered and I couldn't get it off for ages, like ten loud minutes, I then get my neighbour shouting at me if I was ok , and I just didn't want the attention. I guess it's still memories of other negative stuff where I was embarrassed and didn't want to involve the whole neighbourhood.

I hope ur new counsellor is great , it's good to keep trying them. I've seen so many ! Usually just for a few sessions.

Hey @maddison hope ur well and thanks for caring ...

Is it diff having housemate home ? Sorry to hear there is zero support post discharge. I hear U it is inadequate and broken. At least we can say that hear and not be censored.

It is truly scary and upsetting how the system sort of pushes people away in need. I know it's hard to work in mental health , but I have most empathy for the patients.

I read somewhere how it looks bad if ur rude to reception or admin staff at ur therapists, at hospitals , etc ,. How nice ee have to be, and while I'm meant to feel empathy for the reception staff who have probably seen so much during these times, I can only remember how rude they are to us. Ivr been told I'm not remembering properly, that I'm too demanding, that their too busy to return my call, that I've called too much ....all when i have done just what they have told me to and asked for my needs !

It's no fun seeking support either. It's like we're always doing something wrong.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower

Do you tend them by rubbing soothing cream or oil on?  A way to acknowledge and not be in denial about past struggles but focus on nurture.

Ha ha about good taste ... I watched PEN15 last night .. thanks for the tip. Hope you are alright @maddison 

I have only been on receiving end of public mental health services relatively recently in my life.  Most of the time I was witnessing what my parent, son or siblings were going through.  It was before they used the term "carer".

Mostly I am pretty careful and polite even when I am outspoken I have a social conscience, but now at the mercy of services ... I have experienced a few doozies myself and wonder what else my family experienced.  They can be pretty defended and assertive to me, and often lacking in patience.

The 'sympathy for the services' news articles have a point as some people are habitually rude and angry and I have seen that too, but ... 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom hi @maddison  💖💓

[Appleblossom]

Hey @EternalFlower 

On fire alarms, I began to get annoyed at mine always going off and so did my son and in the end we never replaced them.  Its weird cos I also remember his American grandfather mentioning them back in the late 80s, before they were put in all residences. His company sold them. Now I feel it was a con to sell stuff.  I know sometimes they might save lives but that is how it played out in my family household. My son could reach the alarm but I had to grab a chair to turn it off etc ... can be funny too with all the kerfuffle about burnt toast, when not overwhelmed in the moment.

Hope you are alright.

You too @maddison 

[EternalFlower]

You could be right @Appleblossom 

I thought they go off automatically when the smoke stopsz was I wrong ? That's why I waited the full painful few minutes. It sure was loud ! I t

Interesting that they didn't use the word carer previously 

What terms were thrown around before carer? Your perspectives are very sober and deep.i feel like U give excellent advice  I know there is a carers fund where money is given to carers , my team where I'm case managed mentioned it ..

Not sure if U have heard of it, @maddison 

Hope ur enjoying pen15, I have seen the actress Maya in a few things. 

I'm watching funny shows atm, and reading this book called "the believer" by this woman Sarah who also wrote "the trauma cleaner"... It tells of her experience meeting a death doula...a wild woman who has had a rich full and dramatic life and in her older years is helping people accept death. Its morbid...

Hope U have had a good week...are you enjoying the 🌞☀️🏖️🌻☀️

It feels odd to have sun on my face after these years of masks. We aren't really using masks much now in my mental health appointments . I saw my Dr today and he wears one and I don't ?

He was tapping his foot today and a bit anxious. He also told me a metaphor about a steering wheel, that U can't take ur hand off unless you've got one steady hand on...he was saying not to let go of certain supports Until I have new ones in place. Don't know his source for metaphors but he does seem to enjoy them 

[Appleblossom]

The important thing is if doc communicates useful strategies in a decent respectful way @EternalFlower 

Maybe he was anxious ... maybe impatient???

Often similar body language can have different causes.

They did not link in family as much.  I had a bit of carer specific support way back: a lady met me in a coffee shop at first when my son started having problems. went to a few groups, but sometimes that is just people being competitive about how bad their "loved one" is, it never attracted me enough for me to find it useful.  There was a really bossy Dutch lady and she triggered all my issues re my Dutch rellies.  There is not much more they can tell me.  They put a lot into giving respite but I can arrange my own respite and do not need to do it by govt agency.  I do think it is part of the reason I did get NDIS tho as they knew I had a lot on my plate, plus physical issues.  It is just the way it has always been for me, being in caring roles eg oldest daughter/sister.  There is a real limit to what carers can achieve, a lot depends on the full psychosocial situation ie what resources and supports the carer has etc etc.

Maybe it could be more relevant to @maddison  there is tandem etc ... carers vic ...

Hope you are both doing alright.

I went to Christmas market in Pt Melbourne which was lovely with 2 girlfriends/

Hey @maddison 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom very interesting, and how the model promotes respite for carers.

I'm sorry it was so limited and didn't give you genuine support that carers deserve.

Systems sometimes are hard 😔 

U can start to feel so limited in what is possible,when they just churn out the same solutions. 

My friend thought it was interesting I notice new stuff about the dr, and good point it could be something different internally. He's not rude but he's odd, sometimes...

Port Melbourne is super lovely and posh 

I hope u are well @Appleblossom @hanami @maddison @tyme @Shaz51 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

I think it is worthwhile to keep making your observations.  It is natural to notice things and any interpretations can evolve or recede into the back of your mind as you go about life.  

I find it interesting that you say he can be odd.  Not disputing it, but most people have various body language and quirky characteristics.  I kind of like that you are not accepting the submissive role due to the different power differentials and putting him on a pedestal.

@maddison 

Cheers Apple

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom how are you enjoying your weekend ? Did you get to be in nature ? 

Very urban suburbia here as I braved Kmart .

I have bought a few men's t-shirts for sleep and slouching around because the women's were not great and the men's seemed better !

I am really appreciative of ur insight ....I think having seen a fair bit in my life I also am understanding of how we just accept that someone with the title or uniform of someone important is good. And smart.

I was thinking of how when I was in hospital and he apologized over pushing me over the edge, there was not much I could really do. He had complete power over me, could discharge me or hold me there, and I really don't feel I accepted the apology out of choice. I had in the back of my mind thst if he continued to be so rude I would smile and nod but plot my escape and try find a new dr asap. But I couldn't really be honest because he had the power.

I am with you that drs have too much power and when ur super vulnerable we just accept them. It is sad and hard.

I bought a purple top from Kmart, they say purple is the next hot colour lol. Replacing green ?

It is so hot here. I hate Summer lol

[EternalFlower]

Hey @maddison was just wandering if everything settled back in okay with hm, I know coming back home after being in the clinical and structured hub of hosoitak can be super tough. It can be scary, too.

Hope ur doing ok and enjoying the sun. Do U have nature around U ?

No pressure at all to reply just wanted to let u know we are thinking of U @Appleblossom @Former-Member