Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom sounds fun chatting with people and having light hearted times and not only serious ones!

Are the people there male and female ?

Sounds like a nice group.

I like that U called them future collaborators 

Life is one big collaboration ❤️❤️🥳

I'm feeling bit better. My Dr went away today for few weeks and I wished him a good holiday 

He also is very sweet like wishing me happy new year and also saying he looks forward to see me when he gets back and he'll see me then. I find it funny when people care. It feels like it doesn't properly enter my heart because I find it so scary.

Hooe ur enjoying the warm days and the garden 

Did U have any music or art happening ?

I went to see a movie in the cinemas which was a treat for me 

Hope ur ok @maddison , this time of year can be rough. I hope we are through the toughest part but who knows x

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower thanks for saying hello. Oh I hope you right about being through the hardest part...& Yep I'm tentative & cautious too. Can we choose? Right that's it - it's now officially declared- no more crap please.

Will see if it works?

I could relate to you saying it's a  new feeling to be cared about. It needs it's own file, (a really really big one), totally separate from all the other scary thoughts we let occupy our mind...& time.

Must go & eat now.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison 

I hope Ur right, Deciding to be happy and for things to be good now. It seems like these times of year test us and push us....tentative is fair.... I don't know if maybe like me u find being around all this celebratory happy ny stuff a little much? I secretly hate it.

I'm awake tonight very anxious, hopefully will get some sleep soon. House so messy. So so disordered.

Yes it feels weird and almost mildly painful.

I will miss my Dr.

I'm watching Emily in Paris ....so silly. While Drs away I have some support from my cm who is nice. I am looking at getting a pet, as well...

Ur sunset profile is very lovely. 

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower I'm a little anxious too tonight. I LoL at you secretly hating celebratory gatherings. . 

We are fun, not in that big way.

Gonna look up Emily in Paris... Oh it looks very cute & girly. Dream life escape. Nice to watch innocent shows.

I have my own case worker now. It's to help me with housing & home situation. Lots of conflicting thoughts. My head gets very overwhelmed.

Yes, mildly painful - or the anticipation of pain?

Trust.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

The church has its usual politics and I am trying to get more mature about it, not be surprised, push back a little, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater.  One lady had given me grief for a year, but another was engaging and asking me to help with their art project ... and a guy was into music ministry like me ... a collaborator ... and not a 'standover super control everything' like the lady giving me grief, who almost made me leave.  As there are lots there who I can get along with I am choosing to stick with it. Some of said do not get on the wrong side of her, so I am wary, but I was never going to be on the right side as she saw me as a threat.  It is what it is.  She was not there last Sunday so I had fun.

I have also found another place that might suit me 'a lifestyle club' ... which is even closer to my place. 

I need to get out and about.  It distracts me from my aches and pains and models for son an active life.

I am going away tmrw and probably will not check in much for a couple of weeks.

It is a music festival.  Am a bit anxious about travelling and whether I can keep up with their busy schedule.  Its meant to be for me, so I will try and make it a good challenge whatever happens, even if I have to take time out.

You Ladies Please Keep taking Care of yourselves. @maddison 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison cm is hard as in my experience expectations are often not met. How does it feel to get that help? A relief...or a stress?

Hope u get along with cm. And it's someone you like.

Recommend Emily in Paris, it is from creator of Sex and The City and the clothes are very colourful. It's quite silly but you still kinda wish her well.

LOL yes NYE is hard for the introverts...it's over...

Hope u get support with the home stuff. It is really such a major thing and it is important to feel safe at home. Do you feel you need new space ? Change is good. Change is OK.

My nail broke today pretty painfully...any ideas ?? I put tape on it as per google lol.

I miss my Dr already. I saw him yesterday and now he is going away on Friday for 2 weeks.

I would even go twice this week if not to look stalkery. 

Thanks for sharing how u are.... xxxx

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom well done on just being able to sit with ll different personalities

It's hard when big characters dominate, is that lady giving you grief very bossy ?

Some people are so unaware of themselves

I like how h model that for your son, so he can see people around him who are engaged and engaging 

Passion is contagious

Hope the music festival goes great..that sounds superb fun , will miss u 

[maddison]

Have a lovely trip away @Appleblossom I hope you enjoy yourself & get a well deserved rest. Will be thinking of you.

Hello @EternalFlower oh dear...a broken nail!!😊

I will reply properly when it's daylight...I didn't realise it's 1.04am. thankyou for writing me. Night.

[EternalFlower]

Have fun today @Appleblossom 

Thanks for replying @maddison 

Hope U get some rest.

I had some legal stuff today which was icky. Worst day.

In end I managed to get in to see my dr before his leave 

He was like "how can I help ??" Very good vibes. Very relaxed.

He also bulk billed me as a once off which was appreciated. Has your cm been helpful @maddison 

Hope ur making headway. 

I felt so up and down today , broken , then relieved to have appointment then back to broken. I guess people leave and come back as part of recovery, but why is it always at the worst time ? 

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower good to hear from you. Nice your doctor had friendly vibes. I think that says good things about you... He could be calm about his holiday?! Nah I think it's you.

I had legal stuff today too. Icky. Confusing & helpful. 

It was funny the whole time I was in my appt. there was a loud musician performing outdoor. I was blocking it out & then an old matchbox20 song started & I lost focus.

I think it was that one 'ive got a disease.' It's catchy. Please tell me I'm not so old & you know Matchbox20. 

Thanks for your encouragement. It's kind & appreciated. I think I got good news - one major worry was able to be addressed.

I can relate to highs & lows. 

I think maybe our secret festive bitterness has finally passed...& MAYBE the 'no more crap please declaration.'

What book are you reading? 

I'm fragile & broken rn, I think I'm really tired too.

What is your current, or previous feels?

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