Compassion fatigue: When caring hurts too much

[CherryBomb]

Thanks for your post @happygirl, finding the balance between caring for yourself and the person you care can often be like walking on a fine line.

To @GivingMick's and @BeHappy point, have you found that caring is something that you've always done, perhaps something you learned when you were younger?

I ask because people's tendencies to care and be compassionate are sometime so far engrained into the ways that they behave, it can almost become automatic. But becoming aware of how this impacts on your well-being is helpful. Like, you mentioned, you need to learn to do what is right for you and for the person you care for. Any thoughts on how you can start practising this on a daily basis?

You might find this post started by Jo interesting too. She talks about challenges she is currently facing with having to choose to go out and spend Xmas with her family or spend it alone with her son (the person she cares for). You might like to share experiences with each other as they sound similar. 

CB

[Cazzie]

Compassion fatigue - oh yeah!  I'm fatigued all right.  Fatigued, fed-up and totally exhausted.  My family has arrived home for Christmas.  My husband is stressed to the max because of a long term financial issue still not being resolved some two to three months down the track!  His brother, who abrogated all of the responsibility for dealing with the situation to my husband, is nagging for a completion which is outside my husband's capability to fix.

I have an obnoxious son-in-law who thinks it's wonderful to get together in our large family, show off and make smart alec remarks and then gets resentful when I take him to task.  Luckily for me, and for the first time ever (in around 25 years), one of my stepchildren stood up to be counted and pulled him into gear.

My husband dislikes confrontation.  After 29 years in the police force it's just totally outside his nature to deal with it.  Unfortunately this means that if there's any form of confrontation (no matter how small or trivial) if I'm involved it becomes all my fault.  I reached the point today, when I went out to do a little very last minute food shopping, that I just didn't want to come home again.  This idiot managed to do what my stepchildren haven't been able to do in 30 years (and believe me they've tried); reduce me to tears.

I have 17 people at my home tonight, including four children ranging from 18months to 12 years.  Tomorrow there will be 14 people sitting down to breakfast and lunch.  My husband, who loves to cook and does so at every opportunity, never cooks dinner on Christmas Eve but some of our "guests" this year don't seem to think this is normal or natural.  I'm over it.

Sorry, major rant!  Right now I just want to crawl into bed and wake up in 2015.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi @Cazzie, I would be in bed and I would stay there until after breakfast! Let your guests make you and your husband breakfast in bed as this is the year for new routines!!!
If ant of your guests take offence, well they can leave can't they? You, however, cannot..

Fingers crossed that the little ones have so much energy and excitement that some of the in-laws can take them to the local playground to wear our some of their energy...
My final tip..tinned foods like beans, spaghetti, soup, tuna, lentils, tomatoes, can make really quick meals and a good guest would be lining up to help out in any way they can!!
Rants welcome coz otherwise we might lose it and regret it later!

Take care, wishing you a quiet cup of tea in bed on Christmas morning!!

[Cazzie]

Thanks Sandy. I'll be okay tomorrow (I hope!) It's always the buildup that gets to me the most.
I'll get up when one of my granddaughters comes and bangs on the door and we'll all come out and open presents and hopefully everyone will be so happy with their gift that they'll just go play while my husband cooks his "only a basic" breakfast for the multitudes (lambs fry, bacon, sausages, tomatoes and eggs). I'm planning on leaving the breakfast cleaning up for the family and free-loaders to do.

[Alessandra1992]

Yes well I would opt for a long soak in the bath, or washing and blow drying my hair. Hell, I would even put on makeup if it gave me some space away from guests...free loaders..when we lived on a beach, I once woke up to 27 extra people! Including two extra bodies on my bedroom floor..
Don't know how my mum coped but boy did I resent the intrusion.. Freeloaders offer to do nothing, and seemed to think we should be honoured by them!! Hello! My house not yours!
Hmmm methinks this may be why I am averse to large gatherings over Christmas and New Year!
I think Grumpy Guide to Christmas should be mandatory viewing for everyone.. Just a reminder of how to be a considerate guest..

[PeppiPatty]

sandy,
your good with these suggestion.
Really hope that the great suggestion of the guests making hubby and Cassie breakfast in bed.....if not done, gets done next time ! What a good idea!!

Personally, I'm on the other side.....no children at home anymore and when I did, I gave and gave and now, needing to always think of myself no matter what situation I'm in.
I need everything to go slow or get huge headaches.
I really love that suggestion of guests making the home owners breakfast in bed.....
Clever girl.....
Xxxx

[Loopy]

CherryBomb, for me I put other peoples, on this forum, problems before me, wait for a result and if I get a like or a reply then I have accomplished what I set out to do. Make someone happy no matter how small it may it is still a little happiness.

loopy.

[Cazzie]

You're a good man Loopy. Don't let anyone tell you different.
Sandy a soak in a hot tub would be heaven and now that my family and all the freeloaders have gone I'm going to do just that. It should work out all the tension and stress of the least week.
As for breakfast in bed, that's for hospital. The only people allowed in my bedroom are my husband (of course) and my little grandchildren - unless one of us is seriously ill and can't get up. Neither of us likes anything other than an early morning cuppa in bed.

[Loopy]

Cazzie, thank you.
loopy

[Alessandra1992]

Well next year the guests could make breakfast for you in the kitchen....nothing like avocado on toast with some fetta or eggs on toast or just myeslu in a bowl..provided dishes are cleared for you afterwards!;