My elephant in the room - Dependent Personality Disorder

[Former-Member]

Oh yes I did let the phams worker get to me @NikNik 😖  @Faith-and-Hope I wish I had more brain space to create a story with tea sets, thank you for that, it made me smile. 

The other thing that happened was that as the full bolt of emotion took over my cc rang for my weekly phone call. I had no words. I was in a flap just not able to speak and distressed. I know that I have all these supports that are meant to be working together but each has their own agenda and it hit me yesterday with my therapist that she is the only one trying to address these parts of this diagnosis which is strangling me. She's the only one who makes it ok that I'm me and that this is workable. Everyone else is working against it and creating so much shame and fear. I've become so paralysed by it all. But the irony is that my therapist and I know we can't do this on our own in that I need other support too.

Im calming a bit now. Anyway the good thing that ended up happening was that my cc is going to meet me next week to try and decipher what I tried to say today (in tea pot language) and we'll try to address some of it. Now I just have to deal with the anxiety and face him in real life again 😱. I should add that at the time he actually calmed my farm for a bit at the end but my brain was fried to speak 😯 But then I let it all back in after whilst sitting im my car analysing it all. And I let my thoughts and emotions rule. Trying to find enough calm to get home now. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @oceangirl. Seriously two hours ago my speech wasn't happening. I appreciate your kind comments. I'm heading home now. 💜🤗💐

[Faith-and-Hope]

I was hoping it would make you smile @Former-Member ...... 😊

You helped me with my tea set this morning ..... 💕

[oceangirl]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @oceangirl ..... could only manage a "like" last night after dozing off early .... not much sleep the night before.  D3 fell and injured herself, waking me up to tell me, and then our house alarm had faulted twice during the night, and then the neighbours alarm at 5:30am .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

I did get a solid 8 hours sleep last night .... yay ....

[Owlunar]

Geez @Former-Member

It would be a wonderful thing if our therapists could get over their education for a moment and actually listen to our own opinion of our condition - after all - we are the one in the middle of it - we are the expert on it - and whatever else other people think -

I think you have Elephant in the Room Personality Disorder - and that's unique - and it's your disorder

So why don't they listen?

I had a conversation with my last therapist - and now she has gone interstate - what do I do to my therapists that they go away? - ohh sheesh - maybe I am too clever

Anyway - when I last spoke to my last therapist I told her that anyone could agree with the therapist's opinion but in their own mind they are saying

"No - I have something like Elephant in the room Disorder"

But only a few discreet people have heard of this disorder so the therapist thinks

"There is no such thing as Elephant in the Room Disorder - ERD - enough of this - I will have to persuade my client they have some other disorder - let me think what - ta da - um - whatwillIcallthenewdisorder?"

I get it Teej - cause I think I have CTD - Contradict the Therapist Disorder - because the therapists try and change my mind and in my old age that is getting harder

I hear you Teej - I think I have - I am allowed to feel unhappy disorder - and I want to have that one - whatever someone else wants to call it - because it is easy to feel the way I am and think that's okay - and I am unhappy at this time of year and resent people trying to change my mind that it is okay

That would just make me more unhappy

So I wonder - if they did invent a new disorder and gave it the Elephant name - would that help you? It would sure help me - because if people are not prepared to listen - how can they know

I think everyone has disorders and it is just how much they affect their lives that counts

I get it Teej - I hear you - I wish I could be a therapist and invent a new disorder with a new name that the client believed and start from there - I am sure it would work

Lots of hugs Teej

Dec

[Former-Member]

Sorry it's taken a while to get back to you @Owlunar. 

Im sorry I think I'm not sure if I've explained that my elephant in the room is Dependant personality disorder. It's something I feel great shame for and it seems to cloud lots of people's views and judgements, thus I call it my elephant in the room, it's often never discussed but decisions are made for me because of it. 

For me in practical terms it means I struggle immensely with decisions, I'm naive, I need massive amounts of reassurance, I fear abandonment, am very avoidant and seek nuturance. I struggle hugely to prioritise because that's I big decision. Often it means I'm operating at the stage of a 12 year old and thus the shame. There is more but it's complex and very shameful. 

As far as professional support goes it helps if the person supporting me doesn't question everything and stand two steps back incase I become dependent on them. This is the case for my phams worker who just says you do it to by yourself to everything. It destroyed me last week and I was in huge distress over it. 

My therapist luckily gets it and treats me as a person. She trusts that this is not how I want to be and supports me at lots of levels when I need it. I try very hard not to depend on her and my dependence on her has lessened substantially. 

Its when I'm treated as the diagnosis without discussing it (which then becomes the elephant) it removes choice for me and increases the shame 10 fold. It usually then causes distrust and distress for me and brings up huge thoughts of SH or SI. 

Im not sure if it helps. Maybe it will help someone else. Thank you so much for responding as you always do. I hope today finds you well and maybe enjoyaing some sunshine. We've had lots of sunny days here so I'm hoping you've had some too. 💜🤗💐

[Teej]

@Faith-and-Hope And anyone who chooses to read/respond.

I am going in circles right now. I don't know how to prioritise things and my head is a little insane. I am really unsure about how to hold things in or if writing them out will be productive. Just a little teej nuts and trying to work out which way is up 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Teej ..... ♥️

Is there someone who can help you prioritise things if you write a list ?

Can you divide the list into three "baskets" marked Today, Tomorrow, Later .... cut the list into individual items so that you can physically place them into three baskets, bowls, piles, and know that you can tip whatever doesn't get done in the Today basket into the Tomorrow basket, and the Tomorrow basket items into the Later basket if you want ?

[Teej]

Things in my head @Faith-and-Hope

1. A parent is going in for a major heart operation tuesday

2. Brother is now coming over for a few weeks to help parents and sort my life out (settle with ex and other things)

3. Am getting confused and messed up re therapy. Am supposed to have a decision about what I need and from whom re therapy by next week with a threat of cutting supports from mental health team. 

4. Am really confused by therapy at the moment. Don't know who I am or what I need or how to not let anyone down and how to deal with conflicting therapies. 

5. A few days ago I was feeling really positive and like I had a good direction. Now just spinning again. 

6. Trying to give up sleeping meds and am all over the place with sleep again. 

7. Son is trying to buy a car and I don't know how to support him with this. Scaring the crap out of me. First time to do this alone  

Hiya @Appleblossom. Feel free to jump in if you want.